I can’t begin to tell you how I feel about my daughter.

She captured my heart from her first little squawk and hasn’t relented the grip since.  She was my princess from the start.  I may have babied her a little—OK, a lot—but I’ve corrected that and we have an amazing relationship now.

She is kind to a fault, has the most  tender heart and loves people without regard to their station in life.  She has a few of our bad qualities (we’re working on those), but possesses all of our good traits.  She and her brother are the greatest thing I have accomplished in this life.  And as she gets older, our relationship changes, but one thing will always stay the same—she is my baby girl.

So I’d like to give you future boyfriends out there some advice.  I’d like to share some thoughts with you about treating my daughter right.  You know, since I’m an ex-boy and all.

Treat Her with Respect

You just came into her life and I’ve been there before it started.  You may be taking her to a dinner and a movie, but you’ll have to bring her home to me.  Remember that as you start dating her.  She is a young woman of integrity and I expect you to understand that and to respect those boundaries.

She is to be treated with courtesy.  She is to be treated with honor.  You are not the man of her life so don’t act like it.  Right now, there is only one man in her life and that’s me.  If in the off chance you did marry her, I would then relinquish that title to you, but until that time, don’t even allow the thought in your mind.

Have her home on time, keep your hands to yourself and talk to her the way you would around me.

Do Not Check in on Her

Just because my daughter allows you into her life does not give you the right to check in on her constantly.  You do not have the right to know my daughter’s coming and goings.  You can’t tell her who she can hang with and you certainly have no business telling her who she can talk to.

Don’t start calling all the time or texting every 5 minutes to see what she’s doing. If you’re calling to talk because you miss her, that’s fine—she’s easy to miss. But if you start stalking, hounding or harassing my daughter, we will have words.

Control Your Temper

I understand there will be times that my daughter frustrates you.  Believe me, I know. But that does not give you the excuse to fly off the handle. You cannot raise your voice to my daughter. You cannot berate my daughter. You may not call her names or use vulgarity in her direction.

And I promise you this, if you ever raise a hand and strike my daughter, you will rue the day your mama brought you onto this earth.

She is a person. And like any person, she will make mistakes and/or let you down. We all are in that boat. Walk away or count to ten, whatever you have to do to keep your cool. Just remember that the next time she does something dumb.

Hands Off

I understand the pressure you feel as a young man growing up in today’s culture. You are bombarded with images of half-naked women everywhere you go and taught from an early age that men are about conquest. Since you’re in high school, undoubtedly you have conversations with your buddies about girls. What they look like, what they’ll do, who they’ll do it with are just a few topics that bounce around the locker room.

I get that. I remember those days. I’m not saying I approve of them, just acknowledging that it happens.

That being said, it does not give you permission to act a fool around my daughter. Her mom and I have raised her with a certain set of beliefs and standards. And those standards do not include getting physical with you.

She is under enough pressure as it is. With all the unhealthy images out there of what a woman should look like and how she should do this or that with this boy or that boy, she does not need someone she has trusted enough to let in her life adding to that pressure.

Keep your hands to yourself. Her body belongs to her and her alone. It is not there for your pleasure. It is not there for you to explore. When and where she decides to do whatever will be her choice, guided by our values. It had better not been decided because you pressured her into something she didn’t want to do.

Here’s something to help you remember this—The Grandma Zone. What’s that, you ask? If you wouldn’t touch your Grandma there, don’t touch my daughter there. Hands off.

Respect Us

If you really care about my daughter, then you will respect her mother and me.

How do you do that? 

When you come to pick my daughter up, don’t honk your horn from the driveway.  Come to the door and knock. When we answer the door, please address me as sir or Mr. Smith and her mother as ma’am or Mrs. Smith, until we tell you otherwise.  Come inside and sit down. Have a conversation with us.  We’re not mean people and we don’t hate you…yet (just kidding…or am I?).  Let us get to know you.

When my daughter is ready for the date, compliment her in a gentlemanly way. Do not gawk or stare; you may tell her how nice or lovely she looks.  I will need to know where you’re going, what you’ll be doing when you get there and who else will be there. Don’t take this as being nosey, just understand you are leaving with my baby girl and I will need this information before you’re allowed to leave with her.

Take her out and have a good time. Make sure you remember all the things I’ve said before about how to treat her. Oh, and make sure you have her home on time! Five minutes early is even better. Don’t sit out in the street or driveway and “say goodbye” because I’ll be up. If you are late that tells me you don’t respect our rules and that tells me you don’t respect us. And if you don’t respect us, that tells me you won’t respect my daughter and then I’ll tell you to take a hike.

I can imagine how all this must sound to your teenage ears. I can certainly remember a few conversations I had with some dads through the years. How uncomfortable and intimidating it can be.  It’s not easy coming into a family and being the boyfriend.  It can take a long time to build up any trust to where…

You know what?  This is really getting complicated.  Why don’t you just go ahead and date someone else.  It will probably be easier on both of us.

Thanks for stopping by.