Talking To Your Kids About Gay Marriage

Gay Marriage.

When you read those two words you my guess is that you had a strong reaction. Regardless of where you stand on the issue you probably have an opinion and most likely a strong one.

With the ruling of the Supreme Court yesterday on The Defense of Marriage Act and the opinion on Prop 8 gay marriage is back on the front pages. People have a vested interest in this issue. If you support gay marriage it's likely because you see it as a civil right for all Americans and/or know someone this affects. If you are against this issue my guess is that it may be either for religious reasons or you view marriage in the traditional sense of one man and one woman.

But the reality is that gay marriage is here. 

According the latest Gallup poll 53% of Americans believe that gay marriage should be legal and afforded all the same rights as traditional ones. That's up from  27% of Amercians when DOMA was signed into law in 1996. 

This is not something that will just go away. And because of this new reality parents should be ready and willing to have some conversations with their children.

Here are several things parents need to remember as they discuss gay marriage.

This is about people.  
This topic can be very divisive and emotional. It's emotional because people have invested heavily on either side. And when we sit down in our living rooms or around the dinner table chances are that your student may have already started forming an opinion. That opinion is going to be coming from a place of wanting the right thing happen.

Now depending on your child's experiences, values in the home, faith, friends and family that view point of what's right may be different but that does not diminish the caution we should take in talking about this.

Be aware that this is not some abstract political discussion. This is about people. Real people. People that have jobs, homes, cars, pets, neighbors, families and friends. So when we talk to our children about this we must understand this isn't an issue...we are talking about people.

Speak your values.
You are raising your children to be responsible adults in this society. Part of what we do is pass on our values to our children. We help shape their world view by what we say and what we do.

I won't tell you what to say to your kids but I can let you know what we say to our kids. 

As followers of Christ we are taught to love one another, to treat others as we want to be treated and that mankind was created as image bearers of a loving God. We also believe that mankind rebelled against God and his perfect creation which started a chain of events that is responsible for the brokenness in this world. Because of this brokenness or sin we see all kinds of evil take place. We believe that Jesus sacrificed himself on our behalf to repair that brokenness. We believe that their are many things that we do today that go against what He's called us to do. However, we also see that Jesus told us to remove the plank from our own eyes before we start trying to pick the speck out of someone else's eye.

Because of this our conversation is about grace and mercy and temperance. Our conversations are about taking a personal stand but doing so seasoned with love and patience. 

And for us part of passing on our values is the understanding that not everyone shares the same views. And that just because we may disagree on some things we must still treat people with dignity and respect. Teaching our children how to have calm honest discussions with people isn't so much about teaching them to win an argue but about being the kind of person Jesus calls them to be.

Bullying is never ok.
We all know how cruel kids can be. It's almost like we have this ability that kicks in about 6th grade where we can sense everyone's weakness and then pounce on it! Kids will pick on other kids for the smallest things and some will even get violent.

It doesn't matter where you stand on gay marriage- bullying is NEVER ok. When we talk about DOMA or gay marriage we must choose our words carefully, particularly if you are opposed to it. We should never create the illusion that it's ok to physically intimidate another person for any reason.

And in case you thought differently words can have as big impact, if not bigger than fists. Kids who are repeatedly bullied have greater risks of anxiety, depression and even chemical abuse.  Words like fag or queer wound deeply. Even using the word gay as negative slang can be incredibly hurtful. We have to let our children know that this is not acceptable behavior.

Conversations like this don't have to be awkward or dreaded. Make sure you know what you want to say and how you want to say it. Keep your calm and make sure to use your ears. Listen to your children and what they have to say and you may find yourself surprised at how adult they can be.